


They Say It Gets Better

by sarcasmisawayoflife



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Five Stages of Grief, If you need to know, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:29:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1247635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasmisawayoflife/pseuds/sarcasmisawayoflife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim travels through the five stages of grief with memories of Bones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Say It Gets Better

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who is currently working through these I can say that yes, they do reflect some of my own personal feelings. Also if you have any issues with my writing please refrain from commenting at the current time. I am all about constructive criticism, but once you start attacking ME as a person I don't appreciate it. 
> 
> I have been through some shit.
> 
> Thank you and as always enjoy

**Denial/ Isolation**

_We regret to inform-_

Jim threw the PADD across the room, shaking his head. There was no way. They had to have sent it to the wrong person. They had to have done something to it. Bones was safe. He wasn’t…..

He had just taken a trip of planet for a week. Just one week to help out a colony struggling with an epidemic. That was all.

_“Come on Jim let go.” Bones smiled down at him but his hands didn’t untangle themselves from around Jim’s waist._

_“Do you have to go? We just got back from five years in space Bones. Can’t you stay?”_

_Bones kissed his forehead lightly and sighed. One hand came up to run through his hair and he pulled out of Jim’s arms. Jim let him go reluctantly._

_“I’ll be back in a week kid.”_

_He picked up his bags from next to the door. Jim swallowed hard and smiled when Bones looked back at him._

_“Can’t wait to marry you Bones.”_

_Bones beamed at him and opened the door._

_“You’d better!”_

_Jim laughed and kissed him once more on the mouth._

He fell to the floor, back pressed against the kitchen cabinets. Tears ran down his face.

Jim looked around the empty kitchen and then down at his hands, the small silver engagement ring glinting in the sun from the window.

He had just finished planning a wedding, now he had to plan a funeral.

 

**Anger**

The rain came down hard around him but he didn’t care. He was a statue in the ground, staring in front of him at the tombstone.

“You didn’t have to leave me. You could have stayed Bones. You know it too.”

Jim plucked a piece of grass out of the ground and slowly tore it apart, flicking the pieces into the head of the tombstone.

“I don’t want to be angry….but we can’t fix this like last time.”

_“JIM WILL YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN FOR ONCE IN YOUR FOOL LIFE? I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU.”_

_Jim whirled around and stalked back over to get into Bones’ face._

_“Fuck you. Help me? HELP ME? NO ONE GIVES A GOD DAMN BONES. MY MOM’S DEAD AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU, CAN HELP ME.”_

_Bones frowned and tried to grab Jim’s wrist before he moved away back towards the bathroom._

_“Don’t shut me out Jim.”_

_Jim stopped, face pressed into the wall. His shoulders were moving rapidly and tears were slowly falling down his face. He lashed out at the wall with his fist, the “thunk” reverberated around the room._

_Bones moved forward slowly and took Jim’s hand in his, gently examining the already bruised knuckles. Jim tilted his head to watch him._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Bones smiled sadly at him and pressed his forehead against Jim’s._

_“Nothin’ to be sorry about darlin’. I’m stayin’ right here till you get better.”_

Jim shivered as he suddenly registered the cold from the rain. He stood up and glanced down at the tombstone once more.

“Guess you left me like everyone else does right Bones?”

 

**Bargaining**

Jim sat bolt upright in bed, sobs gasping out of his throat and ripping their way into the quiet of the room. He gripped at the pillow in front of him and pressed it into his face, smelling Bones’ cologne he had sprayed on the pillow earlier that night.

“Please. Please just come back.I need you.”

He dropped the pillow and looked around the room.

Bones was everywhere. He was in the dressers, the nightstands, and the empty space on the bed.

_“Please Bones?”_

_Bones smiled and looked up at him from his position over Jim’s stomach._

_Jim’s breathing was getting increasingly shorter as Bones slid back up his body._

_“Please?”_

_Bones captured his mouth quickly and wound his hand down Jim’s pants, firmly grasping him and tugging hard. Jim gasped into his mouth, hands scrabbling along his back._

_It didn’t take long for Jim to come._

_Bones pulled back and smiled as he flipped onto the other side of the bed._

_After a minute Jim groaned._

_“Oh come on! These were nice pants!”_

_Bones laughed and shoved him out of the bed._

_“You better wash them then!”_

Jim tossed the pillow aside and clutched at his stomach, feeling the shaking take over his body.

“Please Bones come back. That’s all I want.”

 

**Depression**

He didn’t leave the apartment for months.

Jim rolled over in the bed and closed his eyes again. He began to doze off until a large bang brought him back to consciousness.

“Jim? Come on you can’t stay like this.”

He looked over at the door to see Uhura holding a tray of food. He closed his eyes again as she walked over, setting the tray down on Bones’ old nightstand.

“Jim they’ll take away your command.”

He sighed and gripped the pillow tighter to him. He’d lost a lot of weight over the past few months and his eyes were sunken into his skull. He looked like death a little bit warmed over.

_“You died Jim.”_

_He ran a hand through the dark head on his shoulder._

_“I know.”_

_“You were gone. Pale and dead. No heartbeat, no breathe, not a thing Jim.”_

_“I’m sorry Bones.”_

_Bones tilted his head to look up at him. Jim smiled and kissed his forehead._

_“I don’t want to see you like that ever again Jim. I wouldn’t be able to take it. Those two weeks…..”_

_Jim tightened his hold on Bones when he felt him shiver._

_“I know. I’m sorry.”_

“He wouldn’t want this Jim.”

Uhura placed a hand on his shoulder. He nodded and closed his eyes again. She sighed and removed her hand, walking to the door. She stopped with one foot outside.

“Just make sure you eat Jim. We don’t want to lose you too.”

 

**Acceptance**

Jim walked smiled down on the tombstone in front of him.

“So Joanna joined Starfleet this year. She decided on command track. Can you believe that? We got our next mission too. Three years this time. I know that’s going to be a while before I can come back and see you here but I’ll think about you and I’ll write letter or something.”

He shifted slightly, twisting the ring on his left hand.

“I still wear it.”

He chuckled.

_Jim walked into the bedroom and flopped down on the bed with a  massive groan. Bones laughed and nudged him with his foot._

_“Hard day with the Brass?”_

_Jim groaned louder and flipped over onto his back, tilting his head to look at Bones._

_“Terrible. They were all over my ass.”_

_Bones looked at him with mock horror._

_“I thought that ass was all mine!”_

_Jim laughed and pushed himself up further onto the bed._

_“You have my ass in a totally different way Bones.”_

_He watched as Bones’ face went serious._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Of course.”_

_Bones cleared his throat and uncurled his hand from around his PADD. He held it out to Jim, slowly peeling back his fingers to expose his palm._

_On it sat a small silver ring._

_It was then that Jim noticed a similar one on Bones’ left ring finger._

_“I’m no good at this but…. Yeah?”_

_Jim laughed and grabbed the ring from his palm and slid it onto his finger._

_“Yeah.”_

He moved away from the tombstone with a smile on his face. As he walked down the pathway to the parking lot he looked back up at the sky.

“See you soon Bones.”


End file.
